this town needs guns.

Updating, just to vent.

1. He's out of my life. I don't even think about him anymore. I don't check his facebook everyday. I don't hope for text messages from him. I'm apathetic to the fact that we have a class together at Wayne. I'm not bitter anymore. I'm entirely and severely apathetic, and I have never felt better.
2. Classes start Thursday. I'm sad that summer has ended, but for the first time in 13 years it will be a school year like no other. No monotonous routine, no structured rituals, no typical boundries. Just new faces, new ways to learn, new path to get to where I want to be.
3. I keep wanting to get my sleeve, but I have a feeling I should get a career first. But I really want my sleeve on my left arm with a lot of elements and overwhelming constallations that discribe my thoughts on life, love, and everything that matters to me. I want it now, but it's gonna be a while.
4. I have met many new people this summer. For a good week, bands were over. They are such cool kids and I love them so much. We have occupied our summer days with go karting, going to shows, hanging out in parking lots, playing guitar, drinking and smoking, staying sober, loving life, and enjoying eachothers companies. I am glad to say that because of my best friends that I have maintained for the past three years, I have met more people and they have also become my best friends.

This is the life that I hoped I would have when I watched my sister Rachel go through high school. Surrounding myself with comically enhanced people covered in tattoos and knowing how much that they love me as much as I love them. Sounds lame, but for the first time in about 7 years, I dont give a shit. I am happy, and I am moving forward with myself with actual good people. They don't lie, they are there for me, and things change. Along with the not caring, I also am embracing change. For once.

And I have never felt more alive.

(no subject)

Sigur Ros's documentary, entitled 'Heima', is the reason I want to become a film maker.
Seriously, it is the most beautiful visual art work i have ever seen.
For me.. just take a look at probably my favorite Sigur Ros song which happens to be my favorite sequence in the documentary.


WATCH, DAMMIT.

school. stress. senior year. the whole kitandkaboodle!

This past week has been severly depressing!
A fair majority of my friends are going away to college and it makes me soooooo sad/stressed/excited.
Sad - I'm sad because I'll hardly see them as much as I used to.
Stressed - it stressed me out so much because it ges me thinking about college and the fact that the second I get my act scores for the third time, i'm going to be applying to school. And applying gets me thinking about scholorships and should i buy an even better camera for an art scholorship or a laptop or fdaskl;jf;asdj. Not to mention I wouldn't be able to get into a nicer university like in Chicago or upstate. Financially, it's going to be difficult. 3 kids in college at the same time in my family is making my mom stressed out and she keeps making me search for scholorships which I have yet to do so. Yeesh I should get on that. Ideally, I would like to go to Wayne in the honors college and then transfer my sophomore year to Columbia College of Chicago or maybe even Northern. Ya see why i'm a teeensy weeeeeensy bit stressed?
Excited - I'm excited to go to their schools and party =)

Ha, I'm even going up to Michigan tonight to stay with Salam and Erin and Natalie will be there too and I'm SUPER STOKED! I guess we're going to some frat houses. Salam told me there is an 'Indie Frat' up there that we all plan on going to. THAT should be interesting. But I love Ann Arbor. I love the city and I love all of the food, the 15$ or less clothing stores (where i got the cutest pair of knit boots for 9 dollars), and the people.

Senior year is in 4 days and to be honest, I'm intimidated. I mean, my schedual is fair and everything.. it doesn't seem too difficult for me to handle. I dont know, I just hope I get some of my friends back whom I've lost over these high school years due to no classes together or just never seeing eachother. I probably only have a fair few of good friends at school. Dont get me wrong, I'd rather have quality over quantity.. but I dont know. We'll see what happens.

any classes, yo?

DAY 1
AP Stats - Fadoir
Film Studies - Cierpial
Advanced Video - Matthews


DAY 2
Writing Center - Cierpial
Photography - DePaulis
P.A - Cierpial


CASA
AP Psych - Shea
AP USH - Green

(no subject)

if someone were to ask me a week ago, 'what is the most pain you have ever experienced?', i don't think i could give an answer right away. i'd probably focus more on emotional pain or some cliche' shit like that.. or talk about a bad bruis or when i attempted and failed to pierce my nose. although, ask me that question right now.. and i can give an answer right away.

fuck wisdom teeth. fuck continuously spitting out blood for 24 hours. fuck not being able to eat any food from the inability to chew. fuck taking vicodin on an empty stomach resulting in nausia and drowsiness. and my stomach would be empty FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO CHEW. FUCK. fuck not being able to sleep because of the pain in my mouth. fuck waking up in a shirt of blood because im not supposed to swallow the blood SO I DROOLED ALL NIGHT.

but most of all, FUCK THIS PROCESS NOT BEING OVER UNTIL APRIL 7TH WHEN I GET THE STICTHES OUT.

fuckkkkkkk.

(no subject)

have you ever had a fever so high, that you've actually become delusional?
i have.
last night.
at 2:00am, with a 103.4 fever.
with this, i was awake, and actually thinking to myself that i wanted to start my own fight club.
and i had plans to execute to start my own country.
and with this, i wanted to start my own project mayhem.
only i wanted project mayhem in japan, not the united states.


im fucking crazy.